I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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