oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize