You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
