there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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