batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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