maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
