ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
