Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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