I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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