Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
