She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
