some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
