go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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