I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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