Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
