There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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