You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
