The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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