k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
