Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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