Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
