I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize