If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
