so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
