I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
