dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
