can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
