And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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