I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
