Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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