I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
