do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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