I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
