I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
