Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
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