You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
