If i come over, it means nothing
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
