I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
