Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
