Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Mom said you looked used
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
