just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
