You really coming over, don't trick.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A bitchslap is in order.
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