the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
