He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
