Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize