in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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