just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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