flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
