Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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