I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love having hate sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
