I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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