So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
