If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
