im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
