Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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