I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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