How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
