I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
