did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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