she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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