Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
