It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
