never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
