I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
