Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
