At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
