So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
