Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
