I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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