Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
