is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
