So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize