I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
