Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
