Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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