Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
