All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
