You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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