you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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