Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
