So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
