so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
