woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
