I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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