a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
