they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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