I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
