It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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