So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
40s are totally the cure
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
