This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
