Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
