Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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