OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think my fart just growled at me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
